I'm Serdy Like That

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Beyoncé Knows Voodoo (I Think)

Every time I’m on Facebook and Twitter whenever Beyoncé performs, I always wonder, what is it that everyone else sees that I don’t? I can only play DVDs on my TV so I went on Youtube tonight to see her halftime video because everyone was talking about how phenomenal her half-time show was.

I was like, “This is completely horrible, I’m bored and her voice sounds awful.” (In her defense tonight, maybe it was bad because it’s hard to sing while doing hardcore Zumba? I know I couldn’t. I must to give that Sister credit for heart healthiness.)

But I think I know what’s happening here.

Y’all know Beyoncé’s mama is one of them Louisiana Creoles, right? Well, about a week ago, I came to the (serious) conclusion that Beyoncé comes from a long line of Voodoo practitioners on her mama’s side and that’s why everyone is so blinded to the truth.

Because, yes, Beyoncé is fine as h—l with a great body, her weave is off the chain, and she can dance her behind off—but her voice is mediocre, her songs are silly and all sound the same, and further, people just completely excuse her strange/rude behavior.

I mean, a Black women lip-synching at the Presidential Inauguration when that White girl sang live? That would be a great, big “aw, no, she didn’t.”

Asking your so-called “best friends” to ”sing with me” at the Super Bowl Half-time and then having their microphones turned all the way down so they’re whispering? That just violates The Girlfriend Code. That has got to be up there with sleeping with your cousin’s husband or something!

And yet, Beyoncé enjoys nearly universal adulation. So it’s clear she must know some powerful gris-gris. I’m not playing here. I really do think she’s killing chickens and throwing the bones. My hat is off to Her Royal Rootiness.

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    You need to go back to the Library because you have been read…